Paul left me with a little tidbit of food for thought before our session ended today.? We were talking about how I always seem to need half a session to ?warm up? to talking freely and openly in therapy.? Even though today the anxiety was much quieter- I still felt at first that I needed to close off from Paul and only let him scrape the surface.? Now I understand, of course, that this is about trust and the fact this was only the second session I have had with him- but his response to this discussion has helped me work out what may be going wrong in my current relationship.
My partner and I have been having recurrent discussions on how we don?t really talk to each other properly anymore.? We don?t seem to connect like we used to.? Paul alerted me to the fact that every time we separate from someone: whether that be a therapist, a partner, a friend? for an hour, a minute, a few days, a week? we have to have that initial connecting with each other period (he had a fancy name for it but typically- I can?t remember it).? That period where we remember who we are (separately and together) and settle into our patterns with each other.
For some reason I don?t think this initial reconnecting period is happening with me and my partner whenever we ?reunite?.? Perhaps this is why couples generally kiss or hug upon seeing each other.? Perhaps that acts as the ?reconnecting period?.? Unfortunately though none of this affection can go on between me and my partner at the moment because of my traumatic reaction to any touch.
Why can?t we compensate for it by having the reconnection period verbally? I don?t know.? All I know is at the moment I find it so hard to come back to him with faith that our ability to connect hasn?t changed since I was last with him.? It feels like I have to start from scratch every time we are face to face.? Interestingly, through technology our connection is much better.? Most the time.
Source: http://crazyinthecoconut.co.uk/2012/06/29/when-communication-in-relationships-fail/
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